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Title  Language Date Type Topic
Woman''s versus man''s English  English 1998-06-03 Manuals, explanations and definitions
Sex and sexist
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We need
= I want

It's your decision
= The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want
= You'll pay for this later

We need to talk
= I need to complain

You're...so manly
= You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight!
= Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
= I've got my period

This kitchen is so inconvenient
= I want a new house

I want new curtains
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper ...

I need wedding shoes
= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there
= NO, I mean hang it there

I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me?
= I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me?
= I did something today you're not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute
= kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat?
= Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate
= Just agree with me

Yes
= No

No
= No

Maybe
= No

I'm sorry
= You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe?
= It's easy to fix so you'd better get used to it

I'm not yelling!
= Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important

All we're going to buy is a soap dish
= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?


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THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH
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I'm hungry
= I'm hungry

I'm sleepy
= I'm sleepy

I'm tired
= I'm tired

Do you want to go to a movie
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can I call you sometime?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you

May I have this dance?
= I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Nice dress
= Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage
= I want to fondle you

What's wrong?
= I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this

What's wrong?
= what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong?
= I guess sex tonight is out of the question

I'm bored
= Do you want to have sex?

I love you
= Let's have sex now

I love you, too
= Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
= I liked it better before

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair
= $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

Let's talk
= I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

Will you marry me?
= I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

I like that one better (while shopping)
= Pick any frigging dress and let's go home!

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