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| It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 with a background picture of a Super Tennents can superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a tartan screen saver that fits snuggly over the monitor Also note: " The Recycle Bin is labelled Oot tae fuck " Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates " Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins " Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk " Floppies are known as Them Wee Plastic Bastards Other features: " OK = its aww-right " cancel = fuck off " yes = aye " no = nay fuckin' chance " find = get it yer fuckin' sel' " go to = orr therr " help = ah cannae dae it " stop = gie's fuckin peace " start = fuckin' move " settings = settins " programs = stuff at does stuff " personal folder = ma shit Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98: " tiperiter = a word processor " cullerin book = a graphics program " addin mershene = calculator " scratch paper = notepad (usually unused) " sounds = CD player " porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer " pikchers = a graphics viewer " dole money = M/S accounting software " Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores " Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent's " tax records = usually an empty file Kappa tracksuit inventory (usually 3 meg file) Should it be necessary to re-boot your machine simply head-butt the screen. We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. |
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