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| Job Ad Phrases Defined -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Advancement opportunity: Crap job. Entry level: Really crap job. No experience necessary: The mother of all crap jobs. Administrative assistant: Crap job with a title. Ground floor opportunity: Crap job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year. Progressive company: Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday. Team player: Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities. Upbeat personality: Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year. Word processing skills essential: There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future. Public relations: Receptionist Professional appearance important: $20K/yr job that requires a $100K/yr wardrobe Pleasant telephone manner: Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME Salary range $24,000 to $32,00: The salary is $24,000 Jeans job! Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions. Will train: Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem. B.A. required, master's preferred: Must be an M.A. willing to work on a B.A.'s salary Civil service: This job was filled from the inside six months ago. Women & minorities encouraged to apply: White males need not waste the stamp. Outstanding benefits package: Health insurance. Tons of variety! We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do & rolled them into one job. Top-notch communication skills: Telemarketing Beautiful offices in attractive location: Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting. Secretary: Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management & wages of a migrant worker. Executive secretary: The most powerful position in the company Dedicated: You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement. Salary commensurate: We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like. Salary negotiable We'll take the lowest bidder. Competitive salary: We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not one penny more. Competitive starting salary: Ten cents above minimum wage. Pleasant atmosphere: A staff of pod people. Professional atmosphere: Zombie pod people. Fun, creative atmosphere: Pod people from hell. Dynamic atmosphere: Zombie pod people from hell. Gal Friday: Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it. Self-starter: Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means. |
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