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| TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH : --------------------------------- 1. When speaking fast you can sound gay 2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time 3. You get to eat jungle food like snails and frog's legs 4. If there's a war you can surrender really early 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4. 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star 8. Germans march up and down your most famous streets humiliating your sense of national pride 9. You don't have to bother with toilets 10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN : ----------------------------------- 1. You have a woman president without electing her 2. You can spell colour wrong 3. You can call Budweiser beer 4. You can be a crook and still be president 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything 6. If you can breathe calmly you can buy a gun 7. You can invent a new public holiday every year 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care. 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy" 10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth. 11. When you're not. 12. At all. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH : ---------------------------------- 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah 2. Warm beer 3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events 5. Union jack underpants 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power. 8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not 9. Ditto changing underwear 10. Beats being Welsh. 11. Or Scottish TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN : ---------------------------------- 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes 2. Not embarrassed to wear fur. 3. No need to worry about tax returns 4. Glorious military history until 400 AD 5. Can wear sunglasses indoors 6. Political stability 7. Flexible working hours 8. Live near the Pope 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's hair 10. Be governed by Sicilian murderers TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH : ---------------------------------- 1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes 2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees 3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc 4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans 5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing. 6. Honesty 7. Only sure way of getting a woman is to dress up in bright, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls 8. Eating bulls' testicles 9. Gibraltar 10. Fan of Argentina during the Falklands War. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN : --------------------------------- 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. In-built sense of pacifism TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN : --------------------------------- 1. Chicken Madras 2. Lamb Passanda 3. Onion Bhaji 4. Bombay Potato 5. Chicken Tikka Masala 6. Rogan Josh 7. Popadoms 8. Chisken Dopiaza 9. Meat Boona 10. Kingfisher lager TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH : -------------------------------- 1. You've got to be joking, right? TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH : -------------------------------- 1. Guinness 2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road 4. Pubs never close 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968. 6. No one can ever remember the night before 7. Kill people you don't agree with 8. Stew 9. More Guiness 10. Eating stew and drinking guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN : ----------------------------------- 1. It beats being an American. 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors. 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe? 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise. 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins 9. Own-an-eskimo scheme. 10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN : ------------------------------------- 1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murderer that no other nation would touch with a barge pole. 2. Fosters Lager 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 10,000 years because you think it belongs to you. 4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket. 5. Tact and sensitivity. 6. Bondi Beach. 7. Most other beaches in Australia. 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals 9. Drinking cold lager on the beach 10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach. TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN : ---------------------------------- 1. We don't like you but we love your children. 2. Michael Jackson is still a role-model over here. 3. Main tourist attraction: Nude small boy pissing in public. 4. Second biggest attraction: 9 shine giant balls... close to the small boy. 5. Sex with geriatric patients. (only available in hospitals) 6. The country that invented the sex-o-phone. (no, it wasn't Clinton... he re-invented the phone-sex) 7. Wet summers. 8. Wet beers. 9. Greasy FRENCH fries with a jelly white substance on top. 10. The only country with a whale as prime-minister. |
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