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| THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR 1 - When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2 - Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3 - Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4 - Call the bondage 900 line from your cell phone. 5 - Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6 - Bring a cat basket and take a nap in the corner. 7 - Bounce a superball around the elevator. 8 - Light a cigarette and tell people, "Smokey the Bear doesn't know what the heck he's talking about!" 9 - Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 10 - Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing uproariously. 11 - Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 12 - Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 13 - When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape the doors together. Ask for help. 14 - Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play. 15 - Bring a hammer and nails and hang pictures of yourself on the walls. Ask people, "Isn't that a good picture of me?" 16 - Leave your 12-foot long python alone in the elevator. 17 - Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy." 18 - Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. 19 - Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 20 - Clean your gun. 21 - Ask, "Did you feel that?" 22 - Dressed in coveralls, get in a full elevator and when the door closes, push the stop button, post an "out of order" sign inside and to work on the access panel, saying "This may take a minute." 23 - Push the call button, and when the voice answers ask, "God?" 24 - Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 25 - When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 26 - Push your floor button with your tongue. 27 - Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one. 28 - Swat at flies that don't exist. 29 - Shoot rubber bands at everyone. 30 - When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field when you try to leave. 31 - Ride naked. 32 - When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they meet the "height" requirements. 33 - Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough. 34 - Talk to people about the "golden age of elevators in the 50's." Explain why modern elevators can't compete with the "gas-powered lifts." 35 - Borrow small items from other people in the elevator, then shout "Wheee!" as you drop them through the crack in the floor when the elevator doors open. 36 - Jump rope. 37 - Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole. 38 - When the doors close, menacingly announce that "It's going to be a bumpy ride." 39 - Tell people that you can see their aura. 40 - Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it |
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