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| You Know You're Getting Older When... * Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. * The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. * You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere. * Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. * You get winded playing chess. * Your children begin to look middle aged. * You're still chasing women but can't remember why. * A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. * You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. * You look forward to a dull evening. * You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals. * Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..." * You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones. * You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. * Your knees buckle and your belt won't. * You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation. * After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat. * Dialing long distance wears you out. * You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer. * You just can't stand people who are intolerant. * The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. * You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. * Your back goes out more often than you do. * A fortune teller offers to read your face. * Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. * The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife. * You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. * You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. |
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