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| LOVE WANT ADS A List of Abbreviations in the "WOMEN SEEKING ANYONE" Classifieds CODE WORD...............MEANS 40-ish..................48 Adventurer..............Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate............Possessive Artist..................Unreliable Athletic................Flat-chested Average looking.........Ugly Beautiful...............Pathological liar Commitment-minded.......Pick out curtains, now! Communication important.......Just try to get a word in edge-wise Contagious Smile........Bring your penicillin Educated................College dropout Emotionally Secure......Medicated Employed................Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home Enjoys art and opera......Snob Enjoys Nature...........Bring your own granola Exotic Beauty...........Would frighten a Martian Feminist................Fat; ball buster Financially Secure......One paycheck from the street Free spirit.............Substance user Friendship first........Trying to live down reputation as slut Fun.....................Annoying Gentle..................Comatose Good Listener...........Borderline Autistic Humorous................Caustic Intuitive...............Your opinion doesn't count In Transition...........Needs new sugar-honey to pay the bills Light drinker...........Lush Looks younger...........If viewed from far away in bad light Loves Travel............If you're paying Loves Animals...........Cat lady Mature..................Won't let you treat her like farm animal in bed New-Age.................All body hair, all the time Non-traditional.........Ex-lover lives in the basement Old-fashioned...........Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded.............Desperate Outgoing................Loud Passionate..............Loud Petite..................Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins Poet....................Depressive Schizophrenic Professional............Bitch Redhead.................Shops the Clairol section Reliable................Frumpy Reubenesque.............Grossly Fat Romantic................Looks better by candle light Self-employed...........Jobless Smart...................Insipid Special.................Rode the short schoolbus Spiritual...............Involved with a cult Stable..................Boring Tall, thin..............Anorexic Tan.....................Wrinkled Voluptuous..............Very Fat Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat Wants Soulmate..........One step away from stalking Widow...................Nagged first mate to death Writer..................Pompous Young at heart..........Toothless crone Sooooo, where's the male side of that list? CODE WORD...............MEANS 40-ish..................52 and looking for 25-yr-old Affectionate............Needy and looking for mother-figure Artist..................Delicate ego badly in need of massage Athletic................Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Distinguished-looking.....Fat, gray, and bald Educated................Will always treat you like an idiot Employed................On management track at Radio Shack Financially Secure......I will spend some money on you, in return for which I will expect you to obey my every whim for the duration of your mortal life. Free Spirit.............Sleeps with your sister Friendship first........As long as friendship involves nudity Fun.....................Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking............Arrogant bastard Honest..................Pathological Liar Huggable................Overweight, more body hair than a bear Slim, attractive female........Would be better off with a labrador retriever Light drinker...........Headed for AA Like to cuddle..........Insecure, overly dependent Like romantic walks on the beach....I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear Mature..................Until you get to know him Open-minded.............Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested Physically fit..........I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself Poet....................Has written on a bathroom stall Professional............Owns a white button down shirt Reliable................Shows up on time-give or take 3 hours Self-employed...........Same as for women, and eat nachos all weekend Sensitive...............Needy Smart...................Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV" Spiritual...............Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday Stable..................Occasional stalker, but never arrested Thoughtful..............Says "Please" when demanding a beer Virile..................Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out Young at heart..........Pedophile |
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